You Are About To Embark On A Journey….

….a journey around the internet.

• The person who did this must be a) independently wealthy, b) a total dork, c) both or d) an absolute unstoppable genius of the highest proportions.

• Divorce cake. I don’t really think there’s much of a market to sell stuff to recent divorcees, but then again, maybe there is. I mean, something like 50% of all marriages go south, right? Those are big numbers. Years ago I remember having a conversation with a friend who was fresh off a divorce and we half-joked about starting a magazine targeted at divorced males. But really, who wants a magazine to keep that fresh in your mind? Hell, if you’re recently divorced, you have Maxim. 

• OK, I know people who own guns and I feel confident that they are responsible enough to keep them locked up and WAY out of reach at ALL times when their young kids are around. I’m not crazy about it, but it is a free country. I’d prefer if it wasn’t THAT free, but what can you do? But how the HELL does someone justify giving their kid an uzi for a photo opp? Yes, the kid died. 

• I wish Boston.com would just print the list on one page, but hey, you gotta make some money with those display ads, I guess. Either way, they’ve listed what they consider to be the Top 50 scariest movies of all time. I don’t expect you to click on all 50 windows, so don’t worry. They say that 1982’s “The Thing” is the scariest of them all. I’m no expert on scary movies because it’s not really my thing, but I can say that the scariest movie I’ve seen is probably “Silence of the Lambs.” How about you?

• One of my boys has initiated an expedition to explore the upper regions of his nasal passages andat a press conference this morning, has named his two index fingers as the lead explorers. This is, of course, not shocking. It is the first of what I expect to be many expeditions into the gross for the coming years.

• Speaking of the boys, whenever I get them up in the morning, I like to ask them questions that they won’t possibly be able to answer until they’re about 5. Things like “how did you sleep last night,” for which the answer is almost always “yes.” I also like “were you warm enough?” because they’ll always say “yes” or “no” and it makes me feel like they understand. However, the most puzzling one is when I ask them “did you have dreams?” They don’t ever respond to this question verbally, but both of them at the same time will pat their stomach when I ask them. This happens every time. Does anyone have any idea why both would do this? I’m trying to think of stuff that “dreams” rhymes with, etc, but I’m stumped.