Really?
As a related addendum to my post below, it’s quite amazing what CNN is up to these days, eh? Anything to drive clicks and extra ad revenue……I wonder how many people are falling for it? Sad.
Come On Down, Sweet Virginia
My vow to come down to the Mid-Atlantic region to run righteous interference on Tai Shan’s inevitable path to a lifetime of drugs and debauchery is coming together. It’s roughly 10:30 pm and I’m sitting in a hotel room in Reston, VA, mere miles from the National Zoo, and I’m plotting my approach to the young panda bear. How should I broach the topic with the young panda? That, my friends, remains to be seen.
Now That’s Just Unfair
Washington D.C. and portions of the rest of the country are abuzz over the public unveiling of Tai Shan, the Panda cub born this fall at the zoo in Washington D.C. and debuted to the press yesterday. My wife and I have both been sending the occasional link back and forth as we monitor the panda’s progress, taking special delight in one picture where the little panda was sitting in a tupperware container. Ridiculously cute!
However, sinister motives are at play in this picture. The cub is a mere 2 months old, yet they’re clearly sending the wrong message to our nation’s youth, letting him smoke a big fat joint like that. Poor thing is on an inevitable path to ADD, bad grades and lots of junk food now. I need to go down there and straighten things out.
Just Sayin’
Holy Shitsky! I Think I Just Wrote A Wilco Song!
It’s not that hard, really. Here we go:
“Yellowed Photographs”
Loads of people at the drive through
Loads of bees in the flowers
Doing the dew on top of mountains
after eating meth in the shower
Tell my mother I play guitar
Tell my father I play for him
Tell my sister I ate her textbooks
Tell my brother I stole his rims
I was filming film
And running the fun
I was shooting shots
And sunning the sun
I was rocking roll
And turning the turns
I was driving drives
And flying the birds
Tell my mother I play guitar
Tell my father I play for him
Tell my sister I ate her textbooks
Tell my brother I stole his rims
The pillow is filled
with yellow cotton candy
As yellow as the ‘70s
And my mind is filled
With nerves and wires
With nerves and wires.
With nerves and wires
Tired nerves and wires.
Expired nerves and wires.
Why’s everyone so stoic?
I remember this day like it was just sixty years ago. During this one meeting at the summit, there was serious discussion about the location of possible war trials and the punishment that would be handed down to the SS. Things got really serious, so I just busted out the kazoo and played Yankee Doodle. It was good for a brief laugh, except for Stalin, who just sat there like a lump. Stalin was always such a stick in the mud anyway.
This picture was taken towards the end of the summit, Roosevelt was pretty much senile and kept muttering things like “will the north win?” and everybody was really tired and just wanted to get home. I figured things needed to be lightened up a bit. Just as I was about to do a sweet armpit fart, a buxom beauty caught my attention. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her and I began to wave……the rest is history.