Washington, D.C. (AP) – A routine FAA briefing in Washington, D.C. turned odd on Wednesday when Christmas icon Santa Claus dropped in and began acting strangely. Keiko Fukinawa was nearing completion on his weekly address, discussing changes to FAA flight regulations upcoming in 2005 when Santa Claus landed directly in front of the FAA podium, disembarked from his flying craft, threw his arms up in the air and shouted “Where’s my bitches?”
Fukinawa stared, speechless, while Mr. Claus went on inquire about when, for once, he would be the one receiving some “goddamn Christmas bling” and then threatened to steal one of the modern day aircraft in the hangar (pictured) and “buzz some little punks who deserve it.” He then softly asked if anyone had seen his socks, then sighed, sat on the ground and began asking if he could see Rupert. Mr. Claus was detained and released later.
“Hey, it’s a stressful time for him,” said Thomas Underacker, Chairman of the FAA, “we’re going to cut him a break this time.”
“We also have given orders to shoot Cat Stevens on site,” Underacker added, “he is one dangerous Islamic leader of peace.”
The identity of Rupert was never divulged.