So, it is really that surprising that the Segway Human Transporter has not been selling very well? I’m not surprised and there’s a few reasons why I won’t get one:

a) uh, $5,000
b) I spend six months with snow on the ground
c) I’m afraid I’ll run over someone who is walking and get sued

It’s snowing in Boston, we’re at war, our economy sucks and Bush is a monkey-faced moron……but it’s Opening Day for Major League Baseball! Whoo! The Red Sox open thier season in Tampa Bay, and I’m so ready for another year of the home-town team tantalizing us with a fantastic start, only to collapse in September, which is as regular an occurence as a Joan Rivers face-stretching.

I stole this directly from my old friend Jilly, but the Lisa Marie Presley interview in the most recent Rolling Stone is a pretty entertaining read. I’d love to meet her, but I’d probably end up staying 50 feet away from her at all times.