Does anyone ever watch Animal Planet? I have two observations to make about Animal Planet.

1. The guy who hosts “Funniest Animal Videos” might be the dorkiest guy I have ever seen on television. Ever. Oh, that’s mean, I know. I’m sorry.

2. I am fascinated by Animal Planet. Along with the usual cute baby animals and that crazed Australian guy who hosts The Crocodile Hunter, there’s Animal ER, a heart-wrenching show about sick and mangled animals that almost always ends up good in the end. Then there’s Animal 911, which documents the lives of the Animal Police as they go about the city busting the ass of people who are mis-treating animals. Let me tell you, anyone who mistreats an animal should be slowly tortured and then made fun of. They should, at least, have thier feelings hurt severely. Or maybe just administer thousands of tiny little cuts on their bodies and throw them into a pool of 100% rubbing alcohol. Crap, I am getting off topic.

So what’s my point? Ah, yes. My point. I was in New York City this weekend and had a chance to see the production of “The Graduate” at one of the 4,345 theatres in NYC. After the show, some of the cast members were outside collecting money for a charity and they were getting a decent amount of attention, but it wasn’t until Jason Biggs peeked outside a door did everyone go a little batty. I mean, he didn’t even step outside, he just peeked out the door, and everyone crowded the door and started flipping out. It was insane. It reminded me of some of the shows on Animal Planet when a pack of hungry lions attack some poor, uncoordinated gazelle or something and there’s a huge glutton-fest and all that’s left after 37 seconds is a dripping, messy carcass. Wow. I mean, celebrity gawking is cool and all, but seriously? It was strangely primal.