Well, I am your #1 news source, aren’t I? The UN has finally given unanimous approval of the language in a new resolution for weapons inspections in Iraq. The statement warns of “serious consequences” if the UN weapons inspectors are not given full access to Iraq. You know what this means, right? It means that no matter what happens, get ready for a military confrontation that puts us, you, your family, and your cats directly in the cross hairs.

I was able to get involved in these discussions to try and bring some peace and stability to the situation, but my efforts were unsucessful. I’m sorry world, I tried, and my efforts were valiant, but when Bush wants war, he wants war and there’s nothing we or a robot like me can do. Here you see me in some last minute discussions with Bush and Colin Powell and some other toolboxes I don’t know. That’s me in the center. Bush had pretty much already made his decision in this photo, the only reason why he’s waving everyone off is because I just let out a rather obnoxious and spine-rattling fart and he was all like “okay, asshole, that’s the last straw, you are out of here.” And I was all like “oh come on, one little fart, man? I mean, you let North Korea get away with having – wait – admitting that they have nuclear weapons!” And Bush was all like “whatever. It shouldn’t matter to you what North Korea is up to – they are right next to Minnesota and I don’t care much about that part of the country. More importantly, I can’t even believe the smell right now! What did you eat for Christ’s sake??” All I could do was smile.