The Grammy’s Make Everyone Here Sick

I’m sitting here watching the Grammy’s, trying to comprehend two things:

1) How does this show remain on a major network? I actually feel bad for Brad Paisley. They made the mistake of giving us a camera shot from behind, with the crowd all just sitting there like lumps, with 50% of them probably checking their Blackberries and the other 50% drooling, on the verge of passing out. Poor guy. Not really his crowd. And what about the whole Cirque D’Soliel Beatles thing? Did I spell that right? Whatever. That was five minutes I just couldn’t comprehend. Ringo must have been sitting there, just shaking his head. Horrible! As much as I think Alicia Keys can sing, I’m SO tired of her being on all the awards shows. Just go away. Please. The one bright spot: Kanye West. Whatever that song he did with the white sunglasses and ’80s-like special effects was completely kick ass. Even better: when Vince Gill said “I just got an award from a Beatle [Ringo Starr]. Kanye, has that happened to you yet?” Classic! Yet, I still sit here, waiting for Amy Winehouse to save the night.

2) It has now been five consecutive weeks that someone in this house has puked. I keep hearing that the first 1-2 months after you put kids in daycare are like this while the kids “work out” their immune system, but really, this is insane. My poor father-in-law came over for a while last week and two days after that, he got it. Some advice: don’t come here. Until like April. K? Good.

And here’s a third thing: how the HELL does one find a pillow that works? I feel like I’ve purchased pretty much every pillow that’s ever been made and I can’t find one that works for more than two months. Thoughts?

Babies Are Gross

You always hear about projectile vomiting with children, but until you actually see it, no words really do it justice. One of the, um, joys of having twins is that if one is sick, it is a damn good bet that the other one will be shortly thereafter. This theory was deployed flawlessly here in the house this week. Zachary’s projectile moment came a week ago Friday – I was working, so I missed it. However, this past weekend I had a front row seat for Nathan’s projectile vomit debut – right in his chair as he was being fed – and it was really something. All I can say is that during the gastro episode, it appears as if a small alien has taken over your child’s body. Their face looks more stunned than anything else. When the puking ends, there’s no crying, no tantrum, no befuddled baby. He’s just sitting there, looking around as if what had just happened was no big deal. And it isn’t, because YOU are the one cleaning it up and freaking out.

Look, I used to be a little mortified about the prospect of cleaning up child vomit. Or a very messy diaper. I always thought that if I saw vomit of any kind, I’d follow shortly with my own version of it. But each time something gross happens, I’m stunned to find out that it doesn’t really affect me. Perhaps I’m just too dialed into the health of the kid to really think about how gross it is. Or maybe it’s just less gross than I always thought it was. I’ve always been afraid of puke. Don’t know why. But my suddenly iron stomach is….well…..a pleasant surprise. I mean, I won’t be scouring the internet for disgusting moments or anything, but…….it kind of feels like progress.