Ass

This Person Needs Glasses

This Person Needs Glasses

I dork out on all the parent magazines. If you’re a parent, you probably know them – Parents, Cookie, Wonder Time, etc. They’re so cheap that we get most of ’em. I’ve come to realize that these magazines make a living off of basically publishing the same 12 issues every year. It’s complete genius.  In June 2008, you got the “summer activities issue,” which, if you look,  has the exact same articles and themes as the June 2007 issue. Get it? Either way, we still read them, desperate for tips on what we can do to keep our kids engaged and amused. ANYTHING to keep them from freaking out in boredom.

What I find very amusing in the latest issue of Parents Magazine is this ad. Now, parents, in looking at this ad, do you see anything out of ordinary? I certainly do. For one thing, when I’m applying diaper cream to my kid’s arse, that is NOT where the cream usually goes. But I guess Desatin needs to deliver the message somehow that baby’s behinds are cute and if you use desatin, you get to put cream on that cute little behind. Alas, what is not reflected in this picture is your kid freaking out from diaper rash – or where the cream actually goes. As Faith No More sang in its early days, it’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it.” We care a lot, indeed.

Sweet, Wonderful You

Sometimes I think I’m turning into a total sap. I had a hockey game last night – at 10:30pm – and Steph went out for a while, so I had 7pm-9:30 to myself. After doing all kinds of chores (dry and fold the kids laundry, put it away, get their lunch ready for next day, etc etc) I plunked myself down on the couch at about 8:30 and popped on the television. Now, you would think I’d head straight for the World Series, right? Kind of. I did flip it on and as a matter of perfect timing, got to see Chase Utley whack one out of the ballpark. But I can’t watch the World Series in that horrific excuse for a ballpark. Sorry. Time to flip channels or hit up the DVR.

First off – this past weekend’s Saturday Night Live. Was nice to see Mark Wahlberg making light of the great skit they did about him the week before. SNL is pretty much good for 1-2 good skits + the news each week, so I got through it pretty quick. Then I ended up on channel 828, which is MTV/VH1’s HD channel. They had a 2004 Fleetwood Mac concert from MSG, so I stayed there for a second. I’m very much Jekkyl & Hyde on Fleetwood Mac. Some of it I love (“Monday Morning,” “I Don’t Wanna Know,” “Never Going Back Again,” “Crystal”) and some of it I really cannot stand (“Rhiannon,” “Dreams,” “Gold Dust Woman”). 

So I catch the end of a wild Buckingham version of “Big Love” and the next song is one I dislike very much – “Landslide.” But since there isn’t anything else on, I keep it on, hoping the NEXT song might be Silver Springs or something good. Then Stevie Nicks gets to the part in Landslide where she sings “…children get older and I’m getting older too” and suddenly, like out of nowhere, I get sad. I’m thinking about how in just a year-and-a-half my kids are no longer babies, but walking, talking toddlers who are emerging as human beings. Why sad? I don’t know. The passage of time. It’s something I’ve spoken of before here. On one hand, I can’t wait to see how my kids grow, watch what they become interested in and hopefully prosper and become good, giving, loving people. On the other hand, I already miss their little 6 lb infant whimpers.

I mean, it lasted like two minutes, until I found “Old School” on TNT, just in time to see 89 year old Blue pass out at the sight of two buxom sorority girls. 

….and on we go.

It Came Out Magical

Okay, a couple of things on this early Friday morning:

  • Parents, question for you: every night before we go to bed, Steph and I walk into the boys room and just sit there on the floor and stare at our babies as their little chests heave up and down in a dead sleep. We typically sit there for about five minutes. You do this, too? We’ve been doing it for a year and there appears to be no end in sight. Leave comment?
  • I’ve probably mentioned this before, but Nada Surf continues to kick ass. Every time they put out an album, I think “ok, it’s going to be hard to top this.” And then they do it. Every time. Nothing better than a band at its creative peak. When the creative peak lasts 3-4 albums, then you’re getting into Jeff’s favorite-band-of-the-decade territory. Try this one, called “I Like What You Say:”    [audio:like.mp3]
  • I know I mentioned The Black Keys new album a few weeks back, but one of their older songs just popped up on my ITunes and I’m feeling like you need to hear it. Why? Because it’s awesome, that’s why. This one is called “Keep Your Hands Off Her.” I bet these guys smoke live.    [audio:keep.mp3]

Yes We’re Going To A Party Party

Happy Birthday to quite a few people today – to friends like mogul Rob and Dan, one of nicest and funniest people I know. And of course, happy birthday to my two little twin boys, Nathan and Zachary, who have changed my life in just about every way and who also give me a chance to act like a kid again. What a gift that is.

Someone told Stephanie yesterday “the days are long, but the years fly by.” So true.

He Ain’t Heavy

So yesterday I’ve got the babies seated in their high chairs for breakfast before I wheel them over to day care. I start to feed them and I witness them, for the first time, really starting to connect. They each put their hands out and stretch as far as they can until they’re holding hands and smiling at each other. They proceeded to try and hold hands for the rest of breakfast. It just made my heart sing. I got that feeling deep down in my gut – the same one that you get when you first fall in love or accomplish something amazing. It was a great moment. Not to say they haven’t acknowledged each other before – they certainly have. But this was the first time I’ve seen them start to comprehend their bond. Thrilling stuff!