I awoke this morning and went through the usual sum and substance of the morning – read The Boston Globe, jump in the shower and then head into the kitchen for my favorite meal of the day – breakfast. On mornings when I go to the gym (and yes, I go before work), I usually just whip a fruit smoothie and that’s that. But on non-gym mornings, the options are somewhat endless. This morning I opted for the Eggo Waffles. All well and good. As I open the freezer and pull out the box, though, I notice on the back a promotion for “Holographic Swimming Goggles.” Yes, you have read that correctly. All one needs to do to experience this is send in seven bucks or something, and you too, can experience what I can only imagine to be the heart-pounding excitement of Holographic Swimming Goggles.
Let’s just step back and think about this for a minute, shall we? You slap on your bathing suit, strap on the ‘ol Holographic Swimming Goggles, and place yourself under the water. According the Eggo Waffles box, when under water you will see 3-D renditions of both sharks and dolphins. Really? I mean, does a person really want to go under water and see a holograph of a mammal that’s been known to gnaw lustily on human flesh? Not me. In fairness to Eggo, the sharks and dolphins are cartoon-like, but still……..and I just thought of something else – has the statement “in fairness to Eggo” ever been said, written or expressed at any time in the history of the world? I doubt it.
We now find ourselves on the cusp of the second half of the baseball season. Did anyone see the All-Star Game? I sure didn’t. The All-Star Game used to matter. The old All-Star footage of Ted Williams busting up his ribs on a diving catch (subsequently missing 66 games for the Red Sox) or Pete Rose barrelling into the catcher during the 1970s – those are the days of old. Now it probably takes a miracle to get most of these guys to even show up. No, folks, it ain’t what it used to be. Which reminds me of my ball-playing days. I was a pretty decent player, actually – a fleet of foot centerfielder for a few seasons before a nasty cold ended my career. Oh, the memories, though. Here’s an old photo of me and Babe Ruth from the 1934 All-Star Game. He was really a cool cat.
Song now playing: Old 97s – “My Sweet Blue-Eyed Darlin'”