Today shall be the second installment of why the SkyMall amuses me to no end.

The topic is alarm clocks. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always set my alarm clock to be extremely loud. I don’t mess around with getting up. If I want to get up at 6:30am, then the clock is set for 6:30am. I’m not one of those people who need to set their clocks at 6am and hit snooze 400 times. Nope. I don’t do snooze. I’m happy to report that I have never in my life touched a snooze button. Lots of people don’t believe me, but it’s 100% true. Never. Ever.

That said, Stephanie has introduced me to the idea of not setting the clock at eardrum shattering volumes and still having success getting up. So I’m not a loud-clock setter so much anymore. But my clock is set louder than hers. I don’t know how she wakes up for her alarm. Oh wait, I do know – she hits snooze a few times.

Anyway, the SkyMall offers this disaster of a wake-up method:

Alarm Clock

This is SO wrong on so many levels. First off, the last thing I want when I get up is the stress of having to chase shit around my room, especially shit that rolls around (potentially under my bed) and makes a lot of noise. Secondly, it’s probably not best for your physical well being to get up scrambling and chasing. Those first few moments you wake up are not so much unlike being a little drunk – you’re at your most uncoordinated and prone to sleepy collisions with things like beds, trunks, walls or dressers.

Who buys this shit?