Babies Are Gross

You always hear about projectile vomiting with children, but until you actually see it, no words really do it justice. One of the, um, joys of having twins is that if one is sick, it is a damn good bet that the other one will be shortly thereafter. This theory was deployed flawlessly here in the house this week. Zachary’s projectile moment came a week ago Friday – I was working, so I missed it. However, this past weekend I had a front row seat for Nathan’s projectile vomit debut – right in his chair as he was being fed – and it was really something. All I can say is that during the gastro episode, it appears as if a small alien has taken over your child’s body. Their face looks more stunned than anything else. When the puking ends, there’s no crying, no tantrum, no befuddled baby. He’s just sitting there, looking around as if what had just happened was no big deal. And it isn’t, because YOU are the one cleaning it up and freaking out.

Look, I used to be a little mortified about the prospect of cleaning up child vomit. Or a very messy diaper. I always thought that if I saw vomit of any kind, I’d follow shortly with my own version of it. But each time something gross happens, I’m stunned to find out that it doesn’t really affect me. Perhaps I’m just too dialed into the health of the kid to really think about how gross it is. Or maybe it’s just less gross than I always thought it was. I’ve always been afraid of puke. Don’t know why. But my suddenly iron stomach is….well…..a pleasant surprise. I mean, I won’t be scouring the internet for disgusting moments or anything, but…….it kind of feels like progress.

4 comments to Babies Are Gross

  • Anonymous

    you are not very kind, you were once a baby!!! :(

  • Anonymous

    you are not very kind, you were once a baby!!! :(

  • Philben

    You rock dude!

  • Annonyomus

    I think babies are gross too. It isn’t their fault. I love my nephew but I hate it when my brother and his wife bring him over to my house. He is 8 months old and he drools on everything. He puts everything in his mouth. He gets food all over his face, clothes and anything around him when he eats (or tries to eat) and he pukes after most feedings. My brother said that he likes to grab poo and spread it on his face when his diaper is being changed. It makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. I don’t even want to touch the kid and I feel like I need a shower after playing with him. I’ll be so glad when he’s potty trained, stops drooling and can actually feed himself without making a mess. I have always wanted kids until my nephew was born. I’m not so sure now. I’m a clean freak so I don’t think I could handle all of the grossness. If I had a baby, I’d have to hire a nanny to change the diapers and a house cleaner to follow the kid around making sure everything s/he touches is sterilized.

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