Item Five: Television, Send Me A Show…


76ers
Originally uploaded by rustedrobot.

Before we get to today’s very entertaining Item Five interview, I must pass along yet another impressive gaffe by the blind bats who edit The Boston Globe. Oh, I know, I know – nobody’s perfect. I probably make grammatical errors every day. But it’s just too fun not to point this one out.
Seems the Philadelphia 76’ers basketball team is having a very good season, ay?

In keeping with the theme of the Globe, over the past year or two I’ve really taken quite a liking to Matthew Gilbert’s writing. Gilbert is the Boston Globe’s TV critic whose writing style can be relied on week-in and week-out for a great mix of humor, pop culture references and dead-on analysis of what the oft-embarassing world of television has to offer.

Even his more serious pieces carry weight – Gilbert’s recent piece on the business of Cable TV and why the business model of watching 15 stations but paying for 250 won’t last in today’s world generated many reader letters and responses.

So my appreciation for Gilbert’s writing paired with the fact that our opinions on TV shows seem to mirror each other (and that I want his job) lends itself well for Item Five interview potential. As it turns out, Matthew has very good taste in music, too, and was quite a good sport about it all. The interview was, in my own humble opinion, one of my best yet. Just see for yourself:

1. You’re out in a boat on the ocean and you come across Arrested Development, Scrubs, My Name Is Earl and House, all drowning at sea. You have one life preserver and can only save one of them. Discuss.

What is this, “Sophie’s Choice During the Perfect Storm”? I love all my neglected kids, but right now I need a lot more of “Earl.” I’m sorry to let the other three die a slow gruesome death from hypothermia, hunger and cold during the dark windy night, especially “Scrubs.” But they’ve each had a decent run. I don’t think even the greatest of shows needs to go on until it’s limping.
Plus, once a show is legendarily under-acknowledged. I can use it (along
with “Freaks and Geeks”) to berate viewers for years to come.

2. In preparation for this interview, I watched “Skating With Celebrities” recently. I’ll say this: the professional skaters do a horrific job pretending they care. Fox must have thrown some heavyweight dollars around for this. Who would be your ultimate
celebrity skating pair? (for the record, mine would have to be Sanford & Son, just imagine the creativity Fred Sanford could put into an ice skating performance, naturally culminating in the “big one”).

“In preparation for this interview?”
Oh Jeff, you don’t need to make excuses with me of all people. I’m holding out for the smooth ice stylings of Pufnstuf and Witchiepoo.

3. I bet one of your favorite parts of the job are writing those excellent one-liners in Sidekick every
day, isn’t it? Those are hilarious.

Thanks. They’ve saved me thousands on therapy bills.

4. Come to think of it, how does one get to be the TV critic for the Boston Globe? (translation: how did you get this gig? Other translation: I am jealous, damn you)

I’m so glad you’re jealous. It makes me feel better. Basically, one watches so much TV one has no brain left. Then, one
shows up at the Globe and begs.

5. Do newspaper writers still get paid by the word? Do you do any other writing?

Paid by the word? I think the Times Company just vomited a little. Yeah, I write other things, but my Globe work is most important to me.

6. You and I seem to agree a whole lot on television shows and we both have great appreciation for Barney, who brings a very welcome edge to the show “How I Met Your Mother.” In fact, I don’t think that show survives without him. I love it when TV shows recycle
actors we all thought were washed up. What “washed-up” celebrity is ripe for the picking for the next great comeback?

Barney is great. I love that show. Hmmm. Maybe it’s Butch Patrick’s moment?

7. Do you listen to music? What do you like?

I listen all the time. I’m all over the place, from alternative to classic rock to folky stuff. Just about anything except opera. Top of my mind – Eels, Neil Young’s classic stuff, PJ Harvey, Lucinda Williams, the Dead, the Stones, Beck, Aimee Mann, Etta James, Gillian Welch, Townes Van Zandt, and so on.

8. What was the last thing (other than a television show) you laughed really hard at?

My dog pooped pieces of a florescent ball this morning. You should have
been there.

9. Why don’t you ask me a question?

[Matthew asks]: What is your biggest, most humiliating, most hidden secret ever?

[Jeff answer]: You are an evil, evil man, Gilbert. Which one do I choose? That I watched “The Notebook” and really loved it and almost cried at the end? Or how about that time in Canada when I…..nevermind.

10. What is your favorite television show of all time?

Oh you, you! No wonder your mother never loved you. Thing is, the minute I name “The Dick Van Dyke Show,” I feel guilty
about “The Sopranos,” “All in the Family,” and “Seinfeld.”

11. Off topic a little, but don’t you think Jamie Foxx is starting to get into that annoying group of people you just can’t seem to get away from? I can’t go anywhere or do anything these days without him popping up on TV, singing songs, acting in 47 movies per year, etc. Enough already, huh?

By his 3rd or 4th acceptance speech last year for “Ray,” I was tired of him.

12. Are you able to expense a plasma television?

Absolutely not. A plastic television, maybe.

Big thanks to Matthew Gilbert…..good times.

I Was Born In A Little Bitty Tar Hut, Part II

It started one night with repeated fistfuls of Rolling Rocks and two years later it led to me sitting in a conference room in a tall NYC building, staring at a bunch of guys from a distribution arm of Warner Brothers Records. We had landed a deal for Warner to distribute Tar Hut Records! There was even a story about me and the label in the Boston Phoenix that week. I can’t recall for sure, but something tells me I had extra beers that night.

For now, the beginning:

I spent much of 1995 exploring in so many different ways. My year started as a video production assistant at a gargantuan computer company, pulling in ok money – certainly enough to enjoy myself. But something was missing there. I was a 24 year old kid looking for a spark and I wasn’t finding it in Boxborough, Massachusetts enclosed in a room with soundproofing and video cameras. So in March, a friend of mine from college and I both quit our corporate jobs, put all our cassettes in a plastic bag and started driving. Anywhere.

We stayed out there for nearly seven weeks, ending up largely driving a complete circle around the perimeter of the U.S., excluding Florida, of course. Nobody needs to go there. That circle will cost a car 11,000 miles total, in case you were wondering.

It was during that trip I decided that music would be my next step. I don’t know what triggered it. Was it the repeated listenings of some lost early-1970s Bruce Springsteen demos, which provided the perfect soundtrack for long days on endless strips of white-lined pavement? Maybe. Was it the furious pace that we were both finding and consuming new music? Perhaps. All told, it was pure excitement and I thought the idea of working in the music industry was enthralling.

One month later my, ahem, “dream” came true. I found myself standing on the concrete floor of the warehouse at Rounder Records. Wage: $5 per hour. No shit! How I made it through that year is still something I ponder today. I only lasted in the warehouse for a couple of months, getting bumped up into promotions in “the offices” shortly after I started.

Anyway, most of my weekends that year were spent with various friends at Ralph’s Chadwick Square Diner in Worcester, MA, and it was there where I first saw and heard Angry Johnny & The Killbillies. The first time, a oppressively hot summer night, my friends and I stood in a small circle bullshitting and I would occasionally give the band a cursory glance and a brief listen, eyebrows up.

It was two or three shows later, on a late Friday night in October of 1995 when I really started paying attention. I stood front-and-center and watched that band sweat and pound their way through a set, absolutely full of piss and/or desperation. They were just roaring like a freight train rumbling back and forth on the tracks, barely holding on.

That was the night I decided I was going to start a record label and I already had my first band. I spent an hour after that show talking to the guys, who were truly caricatures whose personalities matched the onstage persona – blue collar, smart, suspicious, incredibly humorous and very much interested in a guy telling them he might just put out their record.

I would find out later just how much of the “real deal” the singer was. The story of Johnny, however, undoubtedly deserves its own blog post and arguably an entire book. Anyone reading this who knows him will certainly agree with that.

The band’s music itself is, well, a complicated story. Some referred to it as “psycho country” or “county-punk.” Some said it was jokey, a band of made-up names (true), cartoonish lyrics (not so true), a lead singer whose voice sounded like a cheap whiskey overdose (true) and a group of musicians who only knew C, D and G chords (not true – I think they knew E). That’s a lot stacked up against you, but as I recall, bands like The Sex Pistols drew similar comments.

Ah, but there were two important things that band had on their side: passion and no bullshit. They may have written songs about dead animals, death by chainsaw, getting dumped, being in prison, drag racing the devil, or being leveled by alcohol, but those guys, particularly Johnny, backed it all up. He was as complicated, honest and fascinating a person as I have ever met. Johnny was writing about the things he was interested in. You’re interested in cars? Johnny was interested in what goes through the mind of a serial killer. That was just him. He couldn’t care less if people thought his music and lyrics weren’t “true.” But you know what? They were and he was as close to true as any human being out there. No agenda.

And for the most part, critics, even well-known publications like Entertainment Weekly, Billboard, The Village Voice, Stereo Review and Magnet all praised Johnny and the band for thier originality and intensity.

My favorite quote? Perhaps this one, from Entertainment Weekly: “Angry Johnny delivers the ’90s equivalent of old Appalachian murder ballads. In 50 years, academics will ponder this stuff, drawing conclusions about the dark side of the American soul. Will Johnny snicker at their gullibility, or nod in assent? Only he knows.”

That, my friends, is how it all started. That October night in Worcester, MA remains one of the best pure rock and roll shows I have ever seen. Not necessarily for the virtuoso performances or anything, either. It still sticks in my gut because that show was just a raging fire of energy, packed with passion, intensity and hunger. It was, truly, just the beginning.

Listen to “202” – a real love song – by clicking here. To save it, just right click and select “save.” This was from Tar Hut’s very first release. It sold enough to allow us to put out more records, too. Nice.

“202” – Angry Johnny & The Killbillies
I was driving my car down 202
I was trying really hard to forget about you
I had the radio on and the windows down
I was doing 75 I was covering ground
You see, I had a plan, but I lost my nerve
But then I lost control on a nasty curve
For a second it felt just like I could fly
But then a second is all that it takes
All that it takes to die…
bye bye.
Well, they scraped me off of that telephone pole
Threw my carcass in the hearse,
and we started to roll
I couldn’t feel no pain although
I was torn right in two
The only thing I could do was think about you
So tell me darling, what else is new?
Now I can see me lying in my plush new bed
I don’t remember dying but I sure do look dead
They gotta close the lid because I’m mangled
up so bad
I wish everyone around here wasn’t so sad
And I can see you standing with my dad and mom
You’re back together but I’m all gone
Before they give me to them graveyard guys
I want one last look into your eyes,
into those eyes
I was driving my car down 202
I was trying really hard to forget about you
I was driving my car down 202
I should have never left you
I should have never gone

More Things Nobody Will Care About In A Week

A couple of other tidbits that I hope somebody does care about in a week:

  • I got a free razor in the mail the other day. I’m not quite sure how I got on Gilette’s list, but I’d like to think it’s because someone over there did a search for Scarlett Johansen and got to my site, then realized what a taste-maker I am and thought “I must get this man a razor immeadiately.” Far-fetchedness aside, I am now the proud owner of a razor that has – get this – five blades on it. Five! I was secretly hoping that when the package came, it would be that razor that vibrates, because, well, it’s over the top. A vibrating razor! I did get to see one and hold one this weekend because my dad has one. My interest is certainly piqued. But nonetheless, mine, sans vibration, has five tiny blades and a bonus blade, located on the back side for reasons I cannot imagine. Thanks for the free razor. Quick aside: my traffic has doubled since the mention of that certain actress. In checking the last 25 searches in the traffic logs, 24 of them got here by a query which mentioned her name. The other query was “progresso breadcrumbs and meatballs.” I kid you not.
  • I saw my first episode of “Love Monkey” tonight. I love the idea of this show – adventures of an A&R guy for an indie record label. Much like “High Fidelity,” they get a lot of stuff right – particularly the background stuff – the posters have the right bands, the bumper stickers are applicable, the music is suitable enough and oh, man, when lead actor Tom Cavanaugh is talking with someone and they say something like “One way or another, I’ll find out” and Cavanaugh says “song title!” – that’s me. I do that all the time. Some of the actual music industry stuff is a little cliche, and probably rightly so if they want the show to succeed. I still really enjoyed it.
  • The internet is truly amazing. A good friend of mine from college now lives in Taipei, Taiwan, where he teaches English to adults. He and I took 6 weeks and drove around the country back in March/April of 1995 and we’ve maintained contact for the most part since our school days. He’s also a huge music fan, much like myself, and he introduced me to some life-changing music back in college. Well, through Grouper we are now able to share our music collections. I’m telling you, this Grouper thing is just a fantastic product. Here I am, sitting in Massachusetts, able to browse through my friend’s hard drive in Taipei and grab some music from him. Think about that for a second.
  • Speaking of which, my boycott of Itunes has begun. Oh, I’ll still use it to listen to music, sure, but I will be buying as much music as I can from other sources now (hello, EMusic!) until ITunes smartens up and removes their utterly ridiculous copy protection technology from songs you purchase there. EMusic has got it right and I’m now a proud customer. If they don’t have something, I’ll find a place other than ITunes to buy it, even if it that means – gasp – actually going to a CD store again, something I haven’t done since May of 2004.
  • The Red Sox are officially a three-ring circus again.

    The Scarlet Phenomenon

    Unbelieveable. In one of my posts last week, I mentioned that I seemed to be getting a lot of traffic to my site from Google for the query “Scarlett Johansen breast size” or “Scarlett Johansen measurements,” despite never having really mentioned her on my website previously. This was corrected in a comment from Fort Miley, who pointed out that I did, in fact, mention Scarlett briefly when I blogged the Oscars last February, but I certainly made no mention or reference to her breast size or measurements!

    So isn’t it funny that since my mention of the actress here on Friday, guess whose site ranks #1 for the queries Scarlett Johansen breast size and Scarlett Johansen measurements on Google? This site! The number one result! Through no fault of my own! All I was doing was simply pointing out that I had never spoken of the subject here on RustedRobot, and suddenly my site is being flooded with traffic from people who want to know more about her measurements! You search engines crack me up. Look at the bright side, I suppose, maybe I’ll get some new readers? And who knows what’ll happen now that I’ve mentioned it again.

    Other anecdote: I didn’t say anything to her, but I was secretly thrilled (thrilled, I tell you!) when I heard my wife singing along to Teenage Fanclub’s “What You Do To Me” yesterday. The idea that I’ve made a fan out of even one person is accomplishment enough! I’ve been on a nastyTF bender lately. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll go and buy Songs From Northern Britain or Bandwagonesque, which, may I remind you, beat out Nirvana’s “Nevermind” as the best record of 1991, according to Spin Magazine. If you’re a fan of The Byrds or Big Star, I guarantee you’ll love this band.

    Listmania

    Time for another installment of “what did people type into a search engine to get to rustedrobot.com?”

    • scarlett johansen breast size measurements
    • superstar sunday Dragonheart pics
    • scarlet johansen pictures
    • I’d rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie 80’s
    • why can’t i buy a day pass for google video
    • chris harford tabs

    These are truly a mystery to me, as I don’t believe I have ever mention Scarlet Johansen, Dragonheart, or Chris Harford (a musician) on this site. The Google video thing I can understand, as I just mentioned that last week and I used “I’d rather hurt you honestly…” as a title for one of my posts. Search engines are wierd. Despite the fact that I’ve been employed by one for nearly five years now, I have no idea why this site would surface in search results for a search on Scarlet Johansen’s breast size measurements.

    Recent ear candy via ITunes:

    • “Can You Come Down With Us?” – The Olivia Tremor Control
    • “All Day and All Of The Night” – The Kinks
    • “Midnight to Six Man” – The Pretty Things
    • “Little Bit ‘O Soul” – The Music Explosion
    • “Fifteen Keys” (live) – Uncle Tupelo
    • “When My Baby’s Beside Me” – Big Star
    • “Lady Godiva and Me” – Grant Lee Buffalo
    • “Love’s Where Life Begins” – Arthur Alexander
    • “Shiloh Town” – Mark Lanegan
    • “Bye Bye Love” – The Cars
    • “Hoochie Coochie” – Muddy Waters
    • “New Partner” – Palace Brothers
    • “18 Miles to Memphis” – Stray Cats

    Finally, for those of you keeping score at home, the final list of my favorite bands of the 1990’s (in no particular order):

    • Teenage Fanclub
    • Uncle Tupelo/Wilco/Son Volt
    • Pavement
    • Faith No More
    • Screaming Trees/Mark Lanegan
    • U2
    • Cracker
    • Bottle Rockets
    • Elliot Smith
    • Grant Lee Buffalo