So, it is really that surprising that the Segway H…

So, it is really that surprising that the Segway Human Transporter has not been selling very well? I’m not surprised and there’s a few reasons why I won’t get one:

a) uh, $5,000
b) I spend six months with snow on the ground
c) I’m afraid I’ll run over someone who is walking and get sued

It’s snowing in Boston, we’re at war, our economy sucks and Bush is a monkey-faced moron……but it’s Opening Day for Major League Baseball! Whoo! The Red Sox open thier season in Tampa Bay, and I’m so ready for another year of the home-town team tantalizing us with a fantastic start, only to collapse in September, which is as regular an occurence as a Joan Rivers face-stretching.

I stole this directly from my old friend Jilly, but the Lisa Marie Presley interview in the most recent Rolling Stone is a pretty entertaining read. I’d love to meet her, but I’d probably end up staying 50 feet away from her at all times.

There is a difference between one’s favorite band …

There is a difference between one’s favorite band and one’s favorite singers. For example, the late Freddie Mercury of Queen has one of the finest singing voices any rock act has ever produced. Yet for whatever reason, Queen is certainly not my favorite band, nor would they be listed in my top 20 bands, for that matter. That being said, A Day At The Races is one hell of a great album. So yeah, I have a great appreciation for Queen, but in the big picture, a dominating, terrific singing voice doesn’t make the band – and I won’t even go into Mercury’s choice in clothing. Atrocious. Funny, but atrocious. Have you ever seen the video for “Bohemian Rhapsody,” which features Mercury sitting at the piano in one of those grainy ’70s live-concert video-type deals? He’s sitting there, playing this strikingly pretty piano part and singing like he usually does, but he’s wearing a black and yellow leotard or something. Yikes. But enough about Queen. I’ve exhausted my verbosity here today, and then some, about that band.

So let it be said here that there is a band out there where the voice and the band rank extremely high on my list – that band is The Jayhawks and the singer is Gary Louris. It is very rare that a band can produce six straight albums of incredible material, but they did it, encountering all kinds of obstacles along the way – a car accident that nearly cut down Louris, the departure of the great Mark Olsen (who wrote and sang half of the band’s songs before 1995), the merry-go-round of band members – all these are the sum and substance of a band that always seems to be “on the verge.” Yet, beyond all those issues, this band just continues to release inventive, terrific albums, featuring Louris, whom I believe to be one of the best singers on the entire planet. Not to forget a band that is so solid and can be so graceful at one point and so beautifully messy at other points. So I’m pretty excited that their new album, Rainy Day Music, is just a few weeks away from my stereo now. I’m also equally excited that I have tickets to see them in Brooklyn on April 10, with Tim Easton opening – a nice bonus……

Song now playing: The Pretenders – “Middle of the Road”

It only took 6 days and I am already exhausted by …

It only took 6 days and I am already exhausted by the coverage that this war is getting on television. Have you noticed that every damn media outlet have a “military advisor” on hand to answer all kinds of ridiculous questions posed by the robots who bring us the news on a nightly basis? Even radio stations have military advisors now! Come on! So I asked this very question to Stephanie this morning after I heard a radio station’s military advisor speaking – “why does everyone have a military advisor?” Her response: “I don’t have one.” She’s sharp, that girl.

However, that led me to thinking – what if I did have my own military advisor? That would actually be kind of cool, don’t you think? In the morning, during breakfast, he could translate all the war news for me, then during work, he might be able to shed some light on a particular way to re-think a business deal or a client issue – one that would make more military sense. At night, he could clear the way in the nightclubs so that six-foot-eight person that ALWAYS stands in front of me will think twice after my personal military advisor puts a boot in his ass – and I’ll have a clear view of the band. My very own personal ass-kicker!

This led me to further wonder – does Iraqi TV have military advisors? Just picture that – they’re standing there with the big map behind them and they’re using the telestrator to draw dumb lines all over the place and a bunch of arrows all point to Baghdad, then they say “right about here is about where we expect to get our asses handed to us in a bad, bad way. We are terribly disoragnized, look at this path from the Tigres to…….” Blah blah blah.

Here’s the review of the tremendous Soundtrack Of Our Lives show from Sunday night. I’m still reeling from that one.

Song now playing: The Clash – “Rudie Can’t Fail”

Last night I skipped the Oscars to go see The Soun…

Last night I skipped the Oscars to go see The Soundtrack Of Our Lives. Good move on my part. What resulted was one of the best rock shows I’ve seen – perhaps ever. I know, I know, it sounds like maybe I’m still in that post-concert haze where you think what you just saw was amazing and Earth-shattering, then a month or two later you realize it was just another good show. But this one was different. Just pure, unadulterated energy – lots of posing, running-around and playing to the crowd. Put it this way – at one point towards the end of the show, they had everybody sitting down (by their request) while they played a thunderous rock song. I’ve never seen that in a club for a rock show. It was just an incredible show. By the way, I never did let my ass touch the ground when we were all sitting down. I mean, come on – have you ever looked at the floor of a niteclub? I was not going to let my pants absorb whatever is on that nasty floor. One major bummer: I forgot my camera. What a mistake. I could have really put together a great set of photos…..damn.

Song now playing: Tahiti 80 – “I.S.A.A.C.”